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Path: moe.ksu.ksu.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!cs.utexas.edu!qt.cs.utexas.edu!news.Brown.EDU!noc.near.net!mars.caps.maine.edu!maine.maine.edu!io00198
Organization: University of Maine System
Date: Monday, 27 Apr 1992 19:22:14 EDT
From: Just some weird dude <IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Message-ID: <92118.192214IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: Wayne's World/TNG Part One
Lines: 356
Here it is! I didn't have time to go over it, so it's just a
rough copy. It's not strictly Wayne's World, there's some
Bill and Ted in there too. Also, the fun doesn't start immediately
since I wanted an explanation of why... Part two will be much
better since it doesn't start out slow like part one.
WARNING! Reading this story may cause loss of sanity. I claim
no responsibility for your mental health. (But I'll sure as hell
take the credit for it.)
W A Y N E ' S G A L A X Y
The camera cuts in with a front shot of the ENTERPRISE in deep
space.
" Captain's log stardate 2139.597321684193
The ENTERPRISE has been ordered to investigate the loss of
contact with several outposts bordering the Romulan neutral zone.
Past encounters with the Romulans indicate a growing aggression
towards the Federation and the Klingon Empire. These disappear-
ances may be an indicator that they have now taken their aggression
even further. I have ordered the ENTERPRISE on yellow alert while
we are near the border. Chief Engineer Laforge and Lt. Commander
Data are currently devising a way to detect the new breed of
Romulan cloaking devices. I only hope we won't have use for it.
Captain's log out."
(Shot of bridge)
Picard: Any of our Romulan friends out their Worf?
Worf: Scanning.(Worf glances at his panel and initiates the
scanning sequence.) Indications are negative at this time.
Picard: Good. Stay on your toes. We've lost contact with 3 outposts
we can't afford to take any chances.
Riker: Captain.
(Picard turns to look at Riker as he speaks.)
Riker: Our sensors aren't yet capable of detecting a cloaked Romulan
ship. They could be here now and we'd never know it. If
they *are* here and they *are* responsible for the des-
truction of 3 outposts, then we're seriously outmatched.
Picard: Let's not draw any conclusions just yet number one. We
don't know what's happened to those outposts. It could
be just a communications problem localized in this sector.
Even if they were destroyed, there's no evidence yet that
implicates the Romulans. Still, we *are* near the
neutral zone and caution *is* warranted.
(Picard uncrosses his legs and rests his hands palms
down on the arms of the command chair)
Mister Data, what's our ETA to the first outpost?
Data: At our current course and speed, we will arrive at outpost
19 in approximately 3.7 minutes, sir.
Picard: Excellent. Prepare an away team, number one. Let's get
down there and find out what the devil is going on.
(Picard pushes himself out of the command chair as Riker
stands. Riker speaks while crossing the bridge to the
turbolift.)
Riker: Data, Ro, you're with me. (Both officers rise and follow
Riker just as replacements reach their positions.)
Unimportant Female at helm: We've reached outpost 19, sir.
Picard: Standard orbit. (He tugs at his uniform and sits at the
command once again.)
Unimportant Female at helm: Aye, sir. Standard orbit.
Picard: Hail the outpost, Lt.
Worf: Aye, sir. Hailing frequencies open. (Short pause.)
No response sir.
Picard: Keep trying Mr. Worf.
Worf: Sir, sensors indicate that they *are* receiving our hails.
(Picard stands and turns to Worf for dramatic effect.)
Picard: That's damn peculiar.
(Several uneventful minutes pass by)
Worf: Message coming in now, sir.
PICARD: On screen. (He turns and moves to stand behind ops with
one hand resting on the ensigns chair.)
The camera angle changes to show the main view-screen. It shows
what appears to be a party in full swing.
Picard: This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Sta-
Unidentified Lt.: Hey, take off man. (He abruptly terminates the
connection with an annoyed expression.)
The bridge exchanges perplexed looks.
Intercom: Riker to bridge.
Picard: (Staring slightly toward ceiling.) Yes, what is it number
one?
Riker: Just saw what happened. We're beaming down now.
Picard: Careful Wil. Picard out.
The scene changes to that of the away team standing on the transporter
pads.
Riker: Look sharp. Energize.
The three dematerialize and disapperar. The camera cuts to the outpost.
The away team materializes in the middle of the bash.
Riker: (above crowd) Spread out! (He grabs the first crewman that
passes him.) What the hell is going on here?!
Crewman: It's like a party dude! Isn't it obvious?
Riker moves on and questions several more crewmen, getting similar
responses.
Riker's communicator: Ro to Commander Riker.
Riker taps his communicator.
Riker: Riker here.
Ro: I just spotted two Romulans entering one of the back rooms.
Riker: Understood! Riker to Enterprise.
Riker's communicator: ENTERPRISE here. What is it Wil?
Riker: Ensign Ro just observed two Romulans going into a back
room.
Scene changes to that of the bridge.
Picard: Get out of there, number one. We'll deal with this de-
velopement once you're safely back on the ENTERPRISE.
ENTERPRISE out.
Scene switches back to the outpost, where the away team is standing
in position.
Riker: Energize!
Their forms shimmer, then disappear. The scene is now set on the
bridge. Worf quickly glances up from the sensor array.
Worf: Captain, sensors are now picking up an energy distortion in
our area.
Picard: Explanations?
Worf: It could be- Sir, Romulan warbird de-cloaking off the
starboard bow!
Picard: Shields up. Red alert.
Worf: Sir, the away team...
Picard: Lower the port shield and beam them aboard, but do it
quickly.
Worf: Lowering port shields. Should I bring weapons online?
Picard: Make it so!
The camera goes to the transporter room where Ro and Riker
materialize on the pads.
Riker: Where's Data?!
O'Brien: I'm losing the lock on him, someone's jamming the beam.
I've lost it!
Riker and Ro rush out of the transporter room and Riker informs the
Captain of the situation while en route to the bridge. (dramatic
music. Picard begins the voice over: Space the final frontier...
Eventually we go to commercial.)
Now introducing a new product from BARFTECH.
Our new model 300 plus is a vast improvement over the competition.
Its attractive new Dayglo rim makes it easy to find on even the
darkest nights.
And it has a double re-inforced bottom for avoiding those embarrasing
blowouts!
The BARFTECH 300 plus folds away so you can take it anywhere!
The new 300 plus is just perfect for cars, boats, planes, or just
visiting the in-laws.
So if *you* have to blow chunks, remember, reach for BARFTECH!
The scene is once again set on the bridge, where 10 - 15 minutes
have passed. Worf is busy trying to get a lock on Data.
Worf: I've got him.
Picard: Energize now!
Worf: Energizing. (a short pause) Chief O'Brien reports that
Lt. Commander Data is now on board.
Picard: Raise port shields. Open a channel Mr. Worf.
Worf taps a section on the panel in front of him.
Worf: Channel open sir.
Picard: This is Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Federation
starship ENTERPRISE. You are in violation of neutral zone
treaty. Identify and explain yourselves.
The view of the outpost is replaced by the face of a Romulan
Commander.
Rom Commander: I am Commander S'tooj of the Vortash. Our vessel
was damaged as the result of an unfortunate
accident and we strayed off course. We have
uncloaked as a gesture of good faith. Now that
we have made necessary repairs at your outpost
we will return to Romulan territory.
The connection is severed abruptly. The image of the Warbird
heads toward the neutral zone, wavers, then disappears.
Picard: Damn.
Data arrives on the bridge.
Picard: Data, what the hell happened down there?!
Data: Two Romulan officers attempted to abduct me. I managed
to get away by rendering both of them unconcious. Another
Romulan appeared out of the crowd- and like - beamed out
with both of them.
Riker: What did you say Data?
Data: I believe I said, "Two Romulan officers attemp-"
Riker: No Data, when you said that another Romulan appeared out
of the crowd.
Data: I like - said he beamed out with both of them dude. Sir.
Picard: Data, if this is another one of your-
Data: Asphinctersayswhat?
Picard: What?
Data: Asphinctersayswhat?
Picard: What?
Data: Asphinctersayswhat?
Picard: Data, what the *hell* are you talking about?! Geordi
take him to sickbay and run a full diagnostic on him!
Geordi crosses to Data, and placing his hand on Data's shoulder,
escorts him to the turbo lift.
Riker: (after they have gone) Captain, Data's story doesn't wash.
He was gone far too long to have just rendered them
unconcious and beamed back up. The sensors couldn't even
pick him up!
Picard: Agreed. But what did happen Wil?
Intercom: (a frantic Geordi) Laforge here, Captain. Data just
broke away from me! I think he's headed for the lower
decks!
Picard: Worf, have a security team detain him until Dr. Crusher
can have a look at him.
Worf: Aye sir. Sensors locate Lt. Commander Data in - life
support!
Picard: Security alert! Security team to life support on the
double! Detain Lt. Commander Data until further notice.
Worf: Sir, he's flooded the ventilation system with some sort of
gas!
Picard: Identify it.
Worf: We have never encountered it before. It's effect on
humanoid lifeforms is unknown.
Picard: Overide, damnit, overide!
Worf: I am unable to overide. He's put some kind of lock on the
computer.
The bridge becomes hazy as a reddish gas slowly pours in from
the ventilation system. Riker begins to choke.
Riker: (coughing) My *god*, what is this stuff?
Picard: (to his communicator) Data (coughs) what are you doing?
Intercom: I'm totally Waynizing you dudes!
Picard: Waynizing? I don't understand. Computer. Define
"Waynize."
Computer: The term Waynize conforms with no known language.
Picard: (with great difficulty) Speculate what it *could* mean
based on Lt. Commander Data's recent behaviour.
Computer: (slight pause) Similar behavioural characteristics
were displayed by a Wayne Nibblet Campbell, host of
a cable access show titled "Wayne's World" in the late
20th century. He continued as host until the age of
95 when he retired. Lt. Commander Data's use of the
word Waynize may indicate that he is attempting to
convert the crew of the ENTERPRISE into chord crunching,
babe chasing, groupie groping, head banging, heavy
metal mush heads.
Riker stands.
Riker: Not bad!
Picard: Commander, get a grip on yourself!
The first officer performs a move borrowed from Michael Jackson.
Picard: That's *not* what I meant!
Picard grabs Riker by the shoulders and shakes him.
Picard: Wil, we've got to stop Data and regain control of the
ship! (shakes him violently) Commander Riker acknowledge!
(slaps him across the face) Wake up dude! (Riker's
expression becomes more serious) We've got to get down
to life support and stop this!
Riker follows the Captain into the turbolift.
Picard: Once we subdue Data we'll have to evacuate the gas from
the ship and find a way to counteract it.
Riker: Like, how dude? He's stronger than us.
Picard: Set phasers to maximum stun, duder.
Riker: Excellent!
The lift stops and both men get out. On their way to life support
they pass two petty officers, who get on their knees and bow till
their palms touch the floor.
Petty officers: (in unison) We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
______________________________________________________________________
COREY GRAY IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU |
"THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH - | "A WET DOG SWIMS IN THE RAIN
AND THE BOLD SHALL INHERIT THE STARS" | BUT A DRY MARTINI LAUGHS"
- ME, AND PROBABLY A MILLION OTHERS. | - DEFINITELY ME
----------------------------------------------------------------------
______________________________________________________________________
COREY GRAY IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU |
"THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH - | "A WET DOG SWIMS IN THE RAIN
AND THE BOLD SHALL INHERIT THE STARS" | BUT A DRY MARTINI LAUGHS"
- ME, AND PROBABLY A MILLION OTHERS. | - DEFINITELY ME
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Path: moe.ksu.ksu.edu!zaphod.mps.ohio-state.edu!mips!spool.mu.edu!agate!stanford.edu!bu.edu!dartvax!mars.caps.maine.edu!maine.maine.edu!io00198
From: IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU (Just some weird dude)
Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
Subject: Wayne's World/TNG
Message-ID: <92120.133231IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Date: 29 Apr 92 17:32:31 GMT
Article-I.D.: MAINE.92120.133231IO00198
Organization: University of Maine System
Lines: 723
=========================================================================
Organization: University of Maine System
~Date: Monday, 27 Apr 1992 19:22:14 EDT
~From: Just some weird dude <IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Message-ID: <92118.192214IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
~Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
~Subject: Wayne's World/TNG Part One
Here it is! I didn't have time to go over it, so it's just a
rough copy. It's not strictly Wayne's World, there's some
Bill and Ted in there too. Also, the fun doesn't start immediately
since I wanted an explanation of why... Part two will be much
better since it doesn't start out slow like part one.
WARNING! Reading this story may cause loss of sanity. I claim
no responsibility for your mental health. (But I'll sure as hell
take the credit for it.)
W A Y N E ' S G A L A X Y
The camera cuts in with a front shot of the ENTERPRISE in deep
space.
" Captain's log stardate 2139.597321684193
The ENTERPRISE has been ordered to investigate the loss of
contact with several outposts bordering the Romulan neutral zone.
Past encounters with the Romulans indicate a growing aggression
towards the Federation and the Klingon Empire. These disappear-
ances may be an indicator that they have now taken their aggression
even further. I have ordered the ENTERPRISE on yellow alert while
we are near the border. Chief Engineer Laforge and Lt. Commander
Data are currently devising a way to detect the new breed of
Romulan cloaking devices. I only hope we won't have use for it.
Captain's log out."
(Shot of bridge)
Picard: Any of our Romulan friends out their Worf?
Worf: Scanning.(Worf glances at his panel and initiates the
scanning sequence.) Indications are negative at this time.
Picard: Good. Stay on your toes. We've lost contact with 3 outposts
we can't afford to take any chances.
Riker: Captain.
(Picard turns to look at Riker as he speaks.)
Riker: Our sensors aren't yet capable of detecting a cloaked Romulan
ship. They could be here now and we'd never know it. If
they *are* here and they *are* responsible for the des-
truction of 3 outposts, then we're seriously outmatched.
Picard: Let's not draw any conclusions just yet number one. We
don't know what's happened to those outposts. It could
be just a communications problem localized in this sector.
Even if they were destroyed, there's no evidence yet that
implicates the Romulans. Still, we *are* near the
neutral zone and caution *is* warranted.
(Picard uncrosses his legs and rests his hands palms
down on the arms of the command chair)
Mister Data, what's our ETA to the first outpost?
Data: At our current course and speed, we will arrive at outpost
19 in approximately 3.7 minutes, sir.
Picard: Excellent. Prepare an away team, number one. Let's get
down there and find out what the devil is going on.
(Picard pushes himself out of the command chair as Riker
stands. Riker speaks while crossing the bridge to the
turbolift.)
Riker: Data, Ro, you're with me. (Both officers rise and follow
Riker just as replacements reach their positions.)
Unimportant Female at helm: We've reached outpost 19, sir.
Picard: Standard orbit. (He tugs at his uniform and sits at the
command once again.)
Unimportant Female at helm: Aye, sir. Standard orbit.
Picard: Hail the outpost, Lt.
Worf: Aye, sir. Hailing frequencies open. (Short pause.)
No response sir.
Picard: Keep trying Mr. Worf.
Worf: Sir, sensors indicate that they *are* receiving our hails.
(Picard stands and turns to Worf for dramatic effect.)
Picard: That's damn peculiar.
(Several uneventful minutes pass by)
Worf: Message coming in now, sir.
PICARD: On screen. (He turns and moves to stand behind ops with
one hand resting on the ensigns chair.)
The camera angle changes to show the main view-screen. It shows
what appears to be a party in full swing.
Picard: This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Sta-
Unidentified Lt.: Hey, take off man. (He abruptly terminates the
connection with an annoyed expression.)
The bridge exchanges perplexed looks.
Intercom: Riker to bridge.
Picard: (Staring slightly toward ceiling.) Yes, what is it number
one?
Riker: Just saw what happened. We're beaming down now.
Picard: Careful Wil. Picard out.
The scene changes to that of the away team standing on the transporter
pads.
Riker: Look sharp. Energize.
The three dematerialize and disapperar. The camera cuts to the outpost.
The away team materializes in the middle of the bash.
Riker: (above crowd) Spread out! (He grabs the first crewman that
passes him.) What the hell is going on here?!
Crewman: It's like a party dude! Isn't it obvious?
Riker moves on and questions several more crewmen, getting similar
responses.
Riker's communicator: Ro to Commander Riker.
Riker taps his communicator.
Riker: Riker here.
Ro: I just spotted two Romulans entering one of the back rooms.
Riker: Understood! Riker to Enterprise.
Riker's communicator: ENTERPRISE here. What is it Wil?
Riker: Ensign Ro just observed two Romulans going into a back
room.
Scene changes to that of the bridge.
Picard: Get out of there, number one. We'll deal with this de-
velopement once you're safely back on the ENTERPRISE.
ENTERPRISE out.
Scene switches back to the outpost, where the away team is standing
in position.
Riker: Energize!
Their forms shimmer, then disappear. The scene is now set on the
bridge. Worf quickly glances up from the sensor array.
Worf: Captain, sensors are now picking up an energy distortion in
our area.
Picard: Explanations?
Worf: It could be- Sir, Romulan warbird de-cloaking off the
starboard bow!
Picard: Shields up. Red alert.
Worf: Sir, the away team...
Picard: Lower the port shield and beam them aboard, but do it
quickly.
Worf: Lowering port shields. Should I bring weapons online?
Picard: Make it so!
The camera goes to the transporter room where Ro and Riker
materialize on the pads.
Riker: Where's Data?!
O'Brien: I'm losing the lock on him, someone's jamming the beam.
I've lost it!
Riker and Ro rush out of the transporter room and Riker informs the
Captain of the situation while en route to the bridge. (dramatic
music. Picard begins the voice over: Space the final frontier...
Eventually we go to commercial.)
Now introducing a new product from BARFTECH.
Our new model 300 plus is a vast improvement over the competition.
Its attractive new Dayglo rim makes it easy to find on even the
darkest nights.
And it has a double re-inforced bottom for avoiding those embarrasing
blowouts!
The BARFTECH 300 plus folds away so you can take it anywhere!
The new 300 plus is just perfect for cars, boats, planes, or just
visiting the in-laws.
So if *you* have to blow chunks, remember, reach for BARFTECH!
The scene is once again set on the bridge, where 10 - 15 minutes
have passed. Worf is busy trying to get a lock on Data.
Worf: I've got him.
Picard: Energize now!
Worf: Energizing. (a short pause) Chief O'Brien reports that
Lt. Commander Data is now on board.
Picard: Raise port shields. Open a channel Mr. Worf.
Worf taps a section on the panel in front of him.
Worf: Channel open sir.
Picard: This is Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Federation
starship ENTERPRISE. You are in violation of neutral zone
treaty. Identify and explain yourselves.
The view of the outpost is replaced by the face of a Romulan
Commander.
Rom Commander: I am Commander S'tooj of the Vortash. Our vessel
was damaged as the result of an unfortunate
accident and we strayed off course. We have
uncloaked as a gesture of good faith. Now that
we have made necessary repairs at your outpost
we will return to Romulan territory.
The connection is severed abruptly. The image of the Warbird
heads toward the neutral zone, wavers, then disappears.
Picard: Damn.
Data arrives on the bridge.
Picard: Data, what the hell happened down there?!
Data: Two Romulan officers attempted to abduct me. I managed
to get away by rendering both of them unconcious. Another
Romulan appeared out of the crowd- and like - beamed out
with both of them.
Riker: What did you say Data?
Data: I believe I said, "Two Romulan officers attemp-"
Riker: No Data, when you said that another Romulan appeared out
of the crowd.
Data: I like - said he beamed out with both of them dude. Sir.
Picard: Data, if this is another one of your-
Data: Asphinctersayswhat?
Picard: What?
Data: Asphinctersayswhat?
Picard: What?
Data: Asphinctersayswhat?
Picard: Data, what the *hell* are you talking about?! Geordi
take him to sickbay and run a full diagnostic on him!
Geordi crosses to Data, and placing his hand on Data's shoulder,
escorts him to the turbo lift.
Riker: (after they have gone) Captain, Data's story doesn't wash.
He was gone far too long to have just rendered them
unconcious and beamed back up. The sensors couldn't even
pick him up!
Picard: Agreed. But what did happen Wil?
Intercom: (a frantic Geordi) Laforge here, Captain. Data just
broke away from me! I think he's headed for the lower
decks!
Picard: Worf, have a security team detain him until Dr. Crusher
can have a look at him.
Worf: Aye sir. Sensors locate Lt. Commander Data in - life
support!
Picard: Security alert! Security team to life support on the
double! Detain Lt. Commander Data until further notice.
Worf: Sir, he's flooded the ventilation system with some sort of
gas!
Picard: Identify it.
Worf: We have never encountered it before. It's effect on
humanoid lifeforms is unknown.
Picard: Overide, damnit, overide!
Worf: I am unable to overide. He's put some kind of lock on the
computer.
The bridge becomes hazy as a reddish gas slowly pours in from
the ventilation system. Riker begins to choke.
Riker: (coughing) My *god*, what is this stuff?
Picard: (to his communicator) Data (coughs) what are you doing?
Intercom: I'm totally Waynizing you dudes!
Picard: Waynizing? I don't understand. Computer. Define
"Waynize."
Computer: The term Waynize conforms with no known language.
Picard: (with great difficulty) Speculate what it *could* mean
based on Lt. Commander Data's recent behaviour.
Computer: (slight pause) Similar behavioural characteristics
were displayed by a Wayne Nibblet Campbell, host of
a cable access show titled "Wayne's World" in the late
20th century. He continued as host until the age of
95 when he retired. Lt. Commander Data's use of the
word Waynize may indicate that he is attempting to
convert the crew of the ENTERPRISE into chord crunching,
babe chasing, groupie groping, head banging, heavy
metal mush heads.
Riker stands.
Riker: Not bad!
Picard: Commander, get a grip on yourself!
The first officer performs a move borrowed from Michael Jackson.
Picard: That's *not* what I meant!
Picard grabs Riker by the shoulders and shakes him.
Picard: Wil, we've got to stop Data and regain control of the
ship! (shakes him violently) Commander Riker acknowledge!
(slaps him across the face) Wake up dude! (Riker's
expression becomes more serious) We've got to get down
to life support and stop this!
Riker follows the Captain into the turbolift.
Picard: Once we subdue Data we'll have to evacuate the gas from
the ship and find a way to counteract it.
Riker: Like, how dude? He's stronger than us.
Picard: Set phasers to maximum stun, duder.
Riker: Excellent!
The lift stops and both men get out. On their way to life support
they pass two petty officers, who get on their knees and bow till
their palms touch the floor.
Petty officers: (in unison) We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
______________________________________________________________________
COREY GRAY IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU |
"THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH - | "A WET DOG SWIMS IN THE RAIN
AND THE BOLD SHALL INHERIT THE STARS" | BUT A DRY MARTINI LAUGHS"
- ME, AND PROBABLY A MILLION OTHERS. | - DEFINITELY ME
----------------------------------------------------------------------
=========================================================================
~Newsgroups: alt.startrek.creative
~Subject: Wayne's World/TNG Part One
Supersedes: <92118.192214IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Organization: University of Maine System
~Date: Wednesday, 29 Apr 1992 00:05:52 EDT
~From: Just some weird dude <IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
Message-ID: <92120.000552IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU>
I've reposted this, since it was grouped under the wrong date.
Here it is! I didn't have time to go over it, so it's just a
rough copy. It's not strictly Wayne's World, there's some
Bill and Ted in there too. Also, the fun doesn't start immediately
since I wanted an explanation of why... Part two will be much
better since it doesn't start out slow like part one.
WARNING! Reading this story may cause loss of sanity. I claim
no responsibility for your mental health. (But I'll sure as hell
take the credit for it.)
W A Y N E ' S G A L A X Y
The camera cuts in with a front shot of the ENTERPRISE in deep
space.
" Captain's log stardate 2139.597321684193
The ENTERPRISE has been ordered to investigate the loss of
contact with several outposts bordering the Romulan neutral zone.
Past encounters with the Romulans indicate a growing aggression
towards the Federation and the Klingon Empire. These disappear-
ances may be an indicator that they have now taken their aggression
even further. I have ordered the ENTERPRISE on yellow alert while
we are near the border. Chief Engineer Laforge and Lt. Commander
Data are currently devising a way to detect the new breed of
Romulan cloaking devices. I only hope we won't have use for it.
Captain's log out."
(Shot of bridge)
Picard: Any of our Romulan friends out their Worf?
Worf: Scanning.(Worf glances at his panel and initiates the
scanning sequence.) Indications are negative at this time.
Picard: Good. Stay on your toes. We've lost contact with 3 outposts
we can't afford to take any chances.
Riker: Captain.
(Picard turns to look at Riker as he speaks.)
Riker: Our sensors aren't yet capable of detecting a cloaked Romulan
ship. They could be here now and we'd never know it. If
they *are* here and they *are* responsible for the des-
truction of 3 outposts, then we're seriously outmatched.
Picard: Let's not draw any conclusions just yet number one. We
don't know what's happened to those outposts. It could
be just a communications problem localized in this sector.
Even if they were destroyed, there's no evidence yet that
implicates the Romulans. Still, we *are* near the
neutral zone and caution *is* warranted.
(Picard uncrosses his legs and rests his hands palms
down on the arms of the command chair)
Mister Data, what's our ETA to the first outpost?
Data: At our current course and speed, we will arrive at outpost
19 in approximately 3.7 minutes, sir.
Picard: Excellent. Prepare an away team, number one. Let's get
down there and find out what the devil is going on.
(Picard pushes himself out of the command chair as Riker
stands. Riker speaks while crossing the bridge to the
turbolift.)
Riker: Data, Ro, you're with me. (Both officers rise and follow
Riker just as replacements reach their positions.)
Unimportant Female at helm: We've reached outpost 19, sir.
Picard: Standard orbit. (He tugs at his uniform and sits at the
command once again.)
Unimportant Female at helm: Aye, sir. Standard orbit.
Picard: Hail the outpost, Lt.
Worf: Aye, sir. Hailing frequencies open. (Short pause.)
No response sir.
Picard: Keep trying Mr. Worf.
Worf: Sir, sensors indicate that they *are* receiving our hails.
(Picard stands and turns to Worf for dramatic effect.)
Picard: That's damn peculiar.
(Several uneventful minutes pass by)
Worf: Message coming in now, sir.
PICARD: On screen. (He turns and moves to stand behind ops with
one hand resting on the ensigns chair.)
The camera angle changes to show the main view-screen. It shows
what appears to be a party in full swing.
Picard: This is Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Sta-
Unidentified Lt.: Hey, take off man. (He abruptly terminates the
connection with an annoyed expression.)
The bridge exchanges perplexed looks.
Intercom: Riker to bridge.
Picard: (Staring slightly toward ceiling.) Yes, what is it number
one?
Riker: Just saw what happened. We're beaming down now.
Picard: Careful Wil. Picard out.
The scene changes to that of the away team standing on the transporter
pads.
Riker: Look sharp. Energize.
The three dematerialize and disapperar. The camera cuts to the outpost.
The away team materializes in the middle of the bash.
Riker: (above crowd) Spread out! (He grabs the first crewman that
passes him.) What the hell is going on here?!
Crewman: It's like a party dude! Isn't it obvious?
Riker moves on and questions several more crewmen, getting similar
responses.
Riker's communicator: Ro to Commander Riker.
Riker taps his communicator.
Riker: Riker here.
Ro: I just spotted two Romulans entering one of the back rooms.
Riker: Understood! Riker to Enterprise.
Riker's communicator: ENTERPRISE here. What is it Wil?
Riker: Ensign Ro just observed two Romulans going into a back
room.
Scene changes to that of the bridge.
Picard: Get out of there, number one. We'll deal with this de-
velopement once you're safely back on the ENTERPRISE.
ENTERPRISE out.
Scene switches back to the outpost, where the away team is standing
in position.
Riker: Energize!
Their forms shimmer, then disappear. The scene is now set on the
bridge. Worf quickly glances up from the sensor array.
Worf: Captain, sensors are now picking up an energy distortion in
our area.
Picard: Explanations?
Worf: It could be- Sir, Romulan warbird de-cloaking off the
starboard bow!
Picard: Shields up. Red alert.
Worf: Sir, the away team...
Picard: Lower the port shield and beam them aboard, but do it
quickly.
Worf: Lowering port shields. Should I bring weapons online?
Picard: Make it so!
The camera goes to the transporter room where Ro and Riker
materialize on the pads.
Riker: Where's Data?!
O'Brien: I'm losing the lock on him, someone's jamming the beam.
I've lost it!
Riker and Ro rush out of the transporter room and Riker informs the
Captain of the situation while en route to the bridge. (dramatic
music. Picard begins the voice over: Space the final frontier...
Eventually we go to commercial.)
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And it has a double re-inforced bottom for avoiding those embarrasing
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The new 300 plus is just perfect for cars, boats, planes, or just
visiting the in-laws.
So if *you* have to blow chunks, remember, reach for BARFTECH!
The scene is once again set on the bridge, where 10 - 15 minutes
have passed. Worf is busy trying to get a lock on Data.
Worf: I've got him.
Picard: Energize now!
Worf: Energizing. (a short pause) Chief O'Brien reports that
Lt. Commander Data is now on board.
Picard: Raise port shields. Open a channel Mr. Worf.
Worf taps a section on the panel in front of him.
Worf: Channel open sir.
Picard: This is Jean-Luc Picard, Captain of the Federation
starship ENTERPRISE. You are in violation of neutral zone
treaty. Identify and explain yourselves.
The view of the outpost is replaced by the face of a Romulan
Commander.
Rom Commander: I am Commander S'tooj of the Vortash. Our vessel
was damaged as the result of an unfortunate
accident and we strayed off course. We have
uncloaked as a gesture of good faith. Now that
we have made necessary repairs at your outpost
we will return to Romulan territory.
The connection is severed abruptly. The image of the Warbird
heads toward the neutral zone, wavers, then disappears.
Picard: Damn.
Data arrives on the bridge.
Picard: Data, what the hell happened down there?!
Data: Two Romulan officers attempted to abduct me. I managed
to get away by rendering both of them unconcious. Another
Romulan appeared out of the crowd- and like - beamed out
with both of them.
Riker: What did you say Data?
Data: I believe I said, "Two Romulan officers attemp-"
Riker: No Data, when you said that another Romulan appeared out
of the crowd.
Data: I like - said he beamed out with both of them dude. Sir.
Picard: Data, if this is another one of your-
Data: Asphinctersayswhat?
Picard: What?
Data: Asphinctersayswhat?
Picard: What?
Data: Asphinctersayswhat?
Picard: Data, what the *hell* are you talking about?! Geordi
take him to sickbay and run a full diagnostic on him!
Geordi crosses to Data, and placing his hand on Data's shoulder,
escorts him to the turbo lift.
Riker: (after they have gone) Captain, Data's story doesn't wash.
He was gone far too long to have just rendered them
unconcious and beamed back up. The sensors couldn't even
pick him up!
Picard: Agreed. But what did happen Wil?
Intercom: (a frantic Geordi) Laforge here, Captain. Data just
broke away from me! I think he's headed for the lower
decks!
Picard: Worf, have a security team detain him until Dr. Crusher
can have a look at him.
Worf: Aye sir. Sensors locate Lt. Commander Data in - life
support!
Picard: Security alert! Security team to life support on the
double! Detain Lt. Commander Data until further notice.
Worf: Sir, he's flooded the ventilation system with some sort of
gas!
Picard: Identify it.
Worf: We have never encountered it before. It's effect on
humanoid lifeforms is unknown.
Picard: Overide, damnit, overide!
Worf: I am unable to overide. He's put some kind of lock on the
computer.
The bridge becomes hazy as a reddish gas slowly pours in from
the ventilation system. Riker begins to choke.
Riker: (coughing) My *god*, what is this stuff?
Picard: (to his communicator) Data (coughs) what are you doing?
Intercom: I'm totally Waynizing you dudes!
Picard: Waynizing? I don't understand. Computer. Define
"Waynize."
Computer: The term Waynize conforms with no known language.
Picard: (with great difficulty) Speculate what it *could* mean
based on Lt. Commander Data's recent behaviour.
Computer: (slight pause) Similar behavioural characteristics
were displayed by a Wayne Nibblet Campbell, host of
a cable access show titled "Wayne's World" in the late
20th century. He continued as host until the age of
95 when he retired. Lt. Commander Data's use of the
word Waynize may indicate that he is attempting to
convert the crew of the ENTERPRISE into chord crunching,
babe chasing, groupie groping, head banging, heavy
metal mush heads.
Riker stands.
Riker: Not bad!
Picard: Commander, get a grip on yourself!
The first officer performs a move borrowed from Michael Jackson.
Picard: That's *not* what I meant!
Picard grabs Riker by the shoulders and shakes him.
Picard: Wil, we've got to stop Data and regain control of the
ship! (shakes him violently) Commander Riker acknowledge!
(slaps him across the face) Wake up dude! (Riker's
expression becomes more serious) We've got to get down
to life support and stop this!
Riker follows the Captain into the turbolift.
Picard: Once we subdue Data we'll have to evacuate the gas from
the ship and find a way to counteract it.
Riker: Like, how dude? He's stronger than us.
Picard: Set phasers to maximum stun, duder.
Riker: Excellent!
The lift stops and both men get out. On their way to life support
they pass two petty officers, who get on their knees and bow till
their palms touch the floor.
Petty officers: (in unison) We're not worthy! We're not worthy!
______________________________________________________________________
COREY GRAY IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU |
"THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH - | "A WET DOG SWIMS IN THE RAIN
AND THE BOLD SHALL INHERIT THE STARS" | BUT A DRY MARTINI LAUGHS"
- ME, AND PROBABLY A MILLION OTHERS. | - DEFINITELY ME
----------------------------------------------------------------------
______________________________________________________________________
COREY GRAY IO00198@MAINE.MAINE.EDU |
"THE MEEK SHALL INHERIT THE EARTH - | "A WET DOG SWIMS IN THE RAIN
AND THE BOLD SHALL INHERIT THE STARS" | BUT A DRY MARTINI LAUGHS"
- ME, AND PROBABLY A MILLION OTHERS. | - DEFINITELY ME
----------------------------------------------------------------------